I had to open my mouth. I couldn’t help myself. I should know better. “Stick fighting, Sensei,” I responded when our Sensei asked for ideas that his teacher could discuss when he came for his annual visit. Our Sensei’s teacher is 8th Degree Black Belt and co-director of the United States Branch of the Okinawa Shorin-Ryu Matsumura Seito Karate and Kobudo Federation, Hanshi John Shipes. Hanshi Shipes also happens to be an expert in the non-traditional martial art of Kali, which includes knife and stick fighting.
As a new Brown Belt in our system, I am now allowed to attend certain advanced training seminars that get offered. Hanshi Shipes provided such a seminar last Friday night. I had come home sick from work and slept most of the afternoon, but I was not going to miss the once a year opportunity. Hanshi Shipes taught a basic stick fighting exercise and then we practiced with our partner. I paired up with my son, now a 2nd degree black belt, and we went to work. Well … work may not be quite the right term. My son did great – he picks things up pretty easily. I, on the other hand, would now be in the unemployment line if what I was attempting to do was work. At one point, I finished an attempt and thought “ugh, it can’t get much worse than that.”
As comedian George Carlin once said, “you should never challenge worse. Never say, it can’t POSSIBLY get worse.” It almost always can. It did. I turned around to find myself face-to-face with the highest ranking US karateka in our federation. “How’s it going over here,” Hanshi Shipes inquired. “Ahem … having a little trouble, Hanshi” – a massive understatement. Despite his rank, Hanshi did what any good teacher does, he invited me to try the technique once or twice … or several dozen … times with him. How did it go? Let me put it this way. If it had been possible to have a level of technique more basic than basic, I would have failed miserably on that one too. “But Shawn,” you say, “you weren’t feeling well” … Thanks for trying to throw me a bone, but, nope, my dismal performance had nothing to do with illness.
Part of the issue for me involves my learning style for new physical techniques. It’s kind of like when you get behind someone on the highway who is not only driving slowly, but is driving so slow that if they went any slower they would be going backwards. Seemingly oblivious to your growing desire to offer greetings via the social finger or offer multiple four letter words of encouragement for them to go faster, the driver putts along at his or her own pace. I am the slow driver. I’ll get there eventually, but I need the time along the way to think about things very intensely before I will even come close to getting it right.
Despite knowing this about myself, I still felt frustration when not performing up to my own expectations or my perceived expectations of others. Self-doubt crept in. I enviously watched the 10 year olds who could perform the technique almost flawlessly the first go round. I began to wonder if I deserve to be wearing the belt around my waist. I began to drown in a well of self-pity … Okay, it didn’t get quite that bad, but the other feelings were definitely there last Friday night.
… That’s it.
What do you mean that’s it?! That’s depressing. Why did I just waste 5 minutes of my life reading this trash?!
Fine. It’s not quite it. I challenge everyone who has read this far to think about how or why you continue with martial arts (or any endeavor for that matter) if you have had a particularly bad night, week, month, or year in or outside the dojo. How do you cope? What do you do? How do you feel? I dare you to then take a risk and share your story in the comments below. In fact, I double doggie dare you! You never know when you may offer a strategy that will be helpful to others. Put a false name if you wish. Change all names to protect the innocent and not so innocent. I do not share or use your e-mail other than to respond if requested. I have, however, double doggie dared you. As all true karateka know – you are morally, spiritually, and possibly legally bound to do a double dog dare. Deny it, and you screw up your karma for a month. (I read this on the internet so it must be true.)
As for me, I plan to answer this call to action in part 2 of this blog. Here’s a hint: it has to do with petrology. (let the googling begin).